


Time for Remebering

by Rivermoon1970



Series: Time and Again [14]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, remembering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 16:24:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3453929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivermoon1970/pseuds/Rivermoon1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Megan Kane thanks Aaron, but Aaron is confused as to what.  He has Garcia dig and finds out he had a brief encounter with her years ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time for Remebering

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HotchRocks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HotchRocks/gifts).



> This is a play off of a story called _She Knew Him When_ by HotchRocks over on fanfiction dot net. She graciously gave me permission to use it.

It was now two days after the funeral and Spencer knew on some level that he couldn’t give in. Oh it was tempting to just lie in bed and let go, and the old craving was pulsing through him as well but he knew that he couldn’t give in to it either. Aaron wouldn’t want him to languish and grieve, wouldn’t want him to relapse into the haze of drugs he’d want him to live, to go on and he was trying, he really was. He kept asking himself if the pain would ever go away or if it would just subside and be a dull everlasting ache. He didn’t know, wouldn’t know for a long time.

Spencer knew he had to fight it with everything he had for Jack and Sasha he had to try to stay strong. He didn’t kid himself though, he knew he wasn’t okay and he knew also that it would be a very long time before he was okay, but he was at least going to try. So he got up, took a shower, got dressed and went to go make some coffee. These were the little things he could do, the things he could control so he did them, even if it was somewhat mechanical. 

When he got to the kitchen he saw that Jack was standing there, coffee cup in hand and staring at nothing. Spencer walked in, took the cup out of Jack’s hand and pulled the young man to him. Jack let himself be comforted, this was harder than he could ever imagine. His arms came around Spencer and he just held on tight. After a few minutes Spencer pulled back, took Jack’s face in his hands and remarked to himself, not for the first time how his eyes were just like Aaron’s.

“We’ll be okay Jack. I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but you have to trust that we’ll be okay.” Spencer knew the words were true. He had let his family in this time when he needed them most and that small act was the best thing he could have done.

“I know Papa. Do you think…” His eyes widened at what he was about to say. He didn’t want to hurt Spencer anymore than he already was hurting.

Spencer instinctually knew what Jack was going to say, “Jack, never be afraid to talk about Haley, you know that. You’re mom and I came to an understanding. While we hadn’t exactly become friends, we did have one thing in common that we loved.” 

“What?”

Spencer smiled at the young man, “You Jack. We both loved you and we put aside our differences because we loved you and didn’t want you to be hurt. At the time it was a noble goal and I know Aaron and I had our problems, but it never stopped me from loving you. And, yes I think maybe they are somehow reunited.” Spencer smiled at that thought. 

Jack held back his emotions, often adopting his father’s stoicism, “Thanks Papa.”

Just then there was a knock on the door and Spencer went to answer it. When he did he was stunned.

“Mom, Dad…how? I thought you guys couldn’t…” Spencer couldn’t hold it in as he grabbed his mother in a hug. When her arms came around him he didn’t hold back. He cried into her shoulder and just couldn’t stop.

“Oh Spencer, my beautiful boy,” She held him to her and tried to comfort him as best as she could. When he pulled away he grabbed his father in a hug as well. He pulled away after a minute and was overwhelmed that his parents were able to come.

“Grandma, Grandpa, you guys made it…I thought you…”

“Jackie boy, come here and give you’re Grandma a hug.” He stepped up and took Diana in his arms and hugged her tight. He then gave William a hug as well and he felt overwhelmed himself.

“We finally got the all clear from her doctor. The new regimen is working better than they ever hoped. I’m sorry we weren’t here Spencer…”

Spencer was overwhelmed. When he had talked to his Dad about them coming out for the funeral his mom was having an episode and William wasn’t sure if Diana would be able to make it. William however made sure that he called Spencer everyday to check up on him to see if he was doing okay.

“Dad, I know, it’s okay. It was enough to know you wanted to be here. How long can you stay?”

“Well, if Diana keeps doing this well, we’re going to try to stay for the week. We’ll play it by ear though.”

Spencer knew what his Dad meant, “I understand. Thank you” Spencer was overwhelmed with emotion.

Juts then Sasha came into the living room. She had been curled up asleep on Aaron’s couch in his study. They knew that she had been doing that and both Jack and Spencer let her. It was a way for her to stay connected and a way for her to grieve. Her eyes got wide as she saw her grandparents standing there. She was still a little scared of Diana after the last time they had visited her. It started out as a good day, but Diana had gotten overwhelmed and she had a panic attack, which induced an episode. Spencer and Aaron knew what to do and they got her calmed down with the help of one of the nurses, but It had still scared the little girl so she was shy around her Grandmother.

“Sasha, its okay honey, come here.” Spencer encouraged his daughter to come over.

“Hi Grandma,” She said quietly wary eyes watching the couple.

Diana knew where the girls fear was coming from. She moved to the couch and sat down, “Come here my little pumpkin,” She held out her arms hoping the little girl would accept them. Sasha looked at her father and he nodded his head yes and she practically ran into the woman’s arms.

“Oh sweet girl, you’re grandma’s here,” She pulled the little girl on her lap and wrapped her arms around her. “You know I used to hold you’re Papa like this when he was little. Of course I’d be reading to him at the time.” The not so obvious hint didn’t go unnoticed by anyone.

Spencer let out a small laugh and went to retrieve one of Sasha’s favorite books for Diana to read to her granddaughter.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
_Megan: Aaron, Aaron Hotchner_

_Hotch: Hello, I’m at a disadvantage you seem to know my name but I don’t know yours can we start there?_

_Megan: I thought I could trust you Aaron_

_Hotch: Who says you can’t_

_Megan: I thought I could trust you, I even looked you up online. Is that strange?_

_Hotch: No, it’s flattering to be noticed by a woman like you_

_Megan: I thought you were so upstanding. I watched the presentation you gave on school shootings, it’s the one posted on youtube and for a moment I actually thought there were still good people in the world._

_Hotch: But I’ve disappointed you haven’t I? Just like all the other men in your life who walked out on their families who deserved to be punished._

_Megan: Did you walk out on your family?_

_Hotch: No my wife left me_

_Megan: Do you have kids?_

_Hotch: I have a son_

_Megan: How often do you see him?_

_Hotch: I try to see him every week_

_Megan: [sarcastic laugh] Do you see him every week?_

_Hotch: No I don’t get there as often as I want_

_Megan: I believe you but don’t compare yourself to the men I see you are nothing like them_

“Thank you Aaron.” Megan was starting to fade and Hotch was confused by her words. He felt he hadn’t done enough to save her, to try to help her.

“For what?” He asked her gently, holding her hand feeling her time was near. A part of him wanted to reach out and stroke her cheek, to give her more than what he was giving, but he held back.

“You saved me, a long time ago.” She smiled sadly as she looked him the eye and slipped so silently into death. 

Aaron was still holding Megan Kane’s hand when the EMT’s came into the room. He looked up at them with haunted eyes, “It’s too late.” He launched himself out of the chair and stalked past Morgan and the EMT’s. Morgan tried calling his name but he pretended not to hear.

Spencer was waiting for him when he got to his hotel room and he was more than glad to see him.

Spencer got up off the bed and went over to engulf Aaron in a hug. “I’m sorry Aaron.” He laid a hand on his lover’s face and pulled him in for a gentle kiss. Aaron pulled back  
and laid his forehead on Spencer’s, trying to even out his breathing, trying to get his stormy emotions under control.

“She knew me Spencer. I don’t know how, but she knew me.” Aaron let go of Spencer and walked over to the mini-bar and pulled out a bottle of scotch. 

“What are you talking about?”

“She said I saved her and she thanked me. She still died and she said I saved her?” He looked at his lover with stormy eyes, confusion and pain mixed together. It was difficult in the best of times to lose an unsub, but Megan was truly a tragic character in her own play. Abandonment did strange things to people and in Megan’s case it turned her into a killer. Her own father left her and refused to acknowledge her anymore after his divorce. He couldn’t imagine what kind of pain that must have been for the beautiful lonely woman.

“Aaron, you couldn’t have done anything.” He walked over and wrapped his arms around Aaron trying to comfort him. “I somewhat know what she must have felt. It’s hard to blame her for what she did. These men weren’t good men leaving their children like that.” Spencer moved off and sat on the end of the bed.

“Spencer. It’s not the same…”

“Isn’t it Aaron? A computer scrapbook is supposed to make-up for all the years he refused to acknowledge me? For the years that he could have come back. He left me with a sick mother to deal with on my own. Megan, her father had been her world and when he abandoned her like that it shattered her broke her in ways that her father will never understand.” Spencer breathed deep to quell the tide of his own storm raging in his heart.

“But it doesn’t mean that she should have killed these men. If she had only reached out…” There was a memory that was niggling at the back of his mind but he refused to bring it forward. A part of him just wanted to get drunk and forget.

He was sitting sprawled out on one of the beds sipping his scotch, “She asked me how Haley could leave me…” Silent tears started to slowly leak out of his eyes.

Spencer moved to sit next to his lover, “What?” He asked confusion in his voice.

“Megan, while she sat there dying she smiled sadly at me and asked me how Haley could leave me. I didn’t have an answer for her. She saw me as a good man…” His voice hitched as he wiped his face with one hand.

Spencer grabbed Aaron’s chin and moved his head so they were looking at each other, “You are Aaron. You are a good man, even Haley knows this. And, yes you are a good father also.” Spencer anticipated what Aaron was going to say. One of the worst traits of his lover Spencer was coming to find out was self-recrimination.

Aaron frowned, “How can you say that? I don’t see him as much as I should and sometimes I wonder if this job is worth it.” He looked towards his lover, self-doubt showing on his face.

“Aaron you make the effort and that is what counts. You call him every night, even when we are on a case. You go see him every chance you get, that’s more than what a lot of father’s do. Trying is better than never seeing him at all. Jack loves you, you’re his superhero.” Spencer moved to straddle Aaron’s lap, he took the older man’s face in his hands and kissed him, softly, passionately. Aaron’s fisted one hand in Spencer’s hair and another was caressing his back. After a few minutes Aaron pulled Spencer away.

“I can’t Spence, and it has nothing to do with you..”

“Aaron, I know, that’s not what this is about.” He slowly smiled as he bent his head back to gently kiss him again. “Just let me take care of you, that’s all.” Aaron sighed deeply, he loved the way Spencer always seemed to know what he needed, especially on cases where they ended up becoming more personal.

A short while later they were dressed in more comfortable clothing and Aaron was laying on Spencer’s chest listening to the rise and fall of his breaths. 

“I just wish I could figure out where I knew her from.” Aaron said under his breath, not intending for Spencer to hear, but he did anyway.

“Why don’t you have Garcia dig a little. Maybe you ran into her or her family when you were with the Prosecutor’s office and since she came from money maybe someone in your family’s social circle. Something like that.”

“Maybe I will.”

“What are you going to do with the chip she gave you?” Aaron had told Spencer about the sim chip that Megan had pressed into his hand as she sat there dying from the poisoned champagne.

“I’m going to release it. I’m going to honor her by being the man she saw me as.” Aaron laid back down stretched out next to the young genius and took him in his arms. He was too emotionally wrought for sex and he was glad that Spencer understood. They fell asleep wrapped up in each other hoping the next day would be a better one.  
________________________________________________________________________________________  
_[unseen anchorman] Dallas companies were rocked today as a list was found of men who were rumored_

_[unseen anchorwoman] Andrew Kane resigned amid allegations of ties to an escort who was reportedly killing her clients. Kane refused to comment but sources say he was the father_

_[unseen anchorman] The attorney general insisted he was not responsible for the leak of the clients name’s._

Spencer and Aaron were packing their go bags while watching the morning news stations airing the story of Megan Kane and how her father tried to cover up what happened.

“Are you okay Aaron?” Spencer looked at his Unit Chief with worry.

Aaron smiled sadly, “Yeah Spence, I’m okay. At least I will be.” He nodded towards the screen, “This was the right thing to do. She won’t completely disappear now.” Aaron looked sadly at one of the news reports.

He suddenly grabbed his phone and made a call to Garcia.

“The oracle of all knowledge is in prepared to be amazed,” Garcia answered playfully.

No matter where they were and no matter how bad the situation Garcia’s brightness always helped put Aaron’s heart at ease, even if it was just a little bit.

“Garcia, I need you to do me a favor,”

“Sure my liege, whatever you need.”

“I need you to go over my old case files from when I was in the Prosecutors office. I want you to find out if I ever came across Megan Kane during my time there.” Aaron got up and walked to the balcony of the room he and Spencer were sharing and closed the door, ”And, if you don’t find anything there, can you go back 15 to 20 years and search through the society pages as well.”

“Sure, can I ask what you’re looking for bossman?” 

“I’m not sure Garcia, but I think I know Megan from somewhere. And Garcia,”

“Yes sir?”

“Keep this just between us for now, okay?”

“Sure, anything you need. If I find something what do you want me to do with it?”

“Print out whatever you find and leave it in my office.”

“Okay, but will you tell me later?”

Aaron’s face softened, he was always amazed at how much his tech analyst cared about all of them, “Sure Garcia, I’ll let you know what’s going on when I can.” They said their goodbyes and Aaron hung-up and went back into the room only to look into the curious eyes of his boyfriend.

“You really didn’t need privacy I already knew you were going to call Garcia. What was that about Aaron?” Spencer was upset that Aaron would hide something like this from him.

Aaron sighed, “Spencer, it wasn’t that I needed privacy...”

“Aaron I know you came from a privileged background and truly I don’t care but if you’re going to insult me by hiding it just own up to it.” Spencer was angry that Aaron would hide this side of his life from him. He spun around ready to walk out because he didn’t want to start a fight.

Aaron pinched the bridge of his nose, he hadn’t meant it to seem like an insult. Aaron grabbed Spencer’s arm, “Spencer,” He turned to look the older man in the eye, “I’m sorry, it was stupid of me and I’ve insulted you when I didn’t mean to.”

“You know when we were going through these men’s financials you didn’t even bat an eye.” Spencer walked over to sit on the edge of one of the beds in the room, “You know we joke that we don’t make enough money for the job we do, but really we make more than most civil servants. It’s more than my mom and I saw when I was growing-up. When she couldn’t teach anymore we were living on just her retirement and disability. I had to be responsible for that. It’s lucky that that transferred to Bennington or else,” He took a moment to get himself under control. “I don’t know what I would have done. It’s still takes a good chunk of my money though. When I look at these men and how they throw away so much of it, it makes me ill.” 

Hotch rubbed his face and sat next to Spencer. “Spence, I didn’t seek privacy because of you. It’s just that life, that privilege I hated it. It does terrible things to people, makes children live up to an impossible image. It’s what turned my father into a monster.” He took a few deep breaths because he didn’t want to go down that road.

“I know, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted that badly.” Spencer looked at Aaron smiled a crooked smile.

“Spencer, yes money does open doors and my Grandparents made sure I was well taken care of, but it doesn’t matter to me. I hope,” He wasn’t sure how this conversation had derailed , “Does it bother you? We’ve never really talked about this.”

Spencer took a moment before he answered, “Yes, no, I don’t know. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m contributing enough.” He got up and paced trying to put into words what he wanted to say without sounding like a complete idiot, “You do so much and sometimes I feel like I don’t do enough.”

Aaron sighed, he knew that Reid was sometimes hyper sensitive about his finances and this case, the obscene amounts of money being thrown around by these men seems to have brought out the young man’s insecurities.

Aaron put a hand on Spencer’s chin and turned his face to look at him, “Spencer, you do a lot for me. Being there in our home, and yes its our home, you know how to comfort me, how to lift that blackness that sometimes seeps into our lives from the job that we do. You love Jack and you’re never jealous of our time together. I couldn’t ask for more than that Spencer. I understand your responsibility to your mother and what it must take. ” He looked pensively at the young genius, “Do you need to talk about this when we get home Spencer?” Aaron was getting worried. He didn’t think Spencer cared about the disparity in their financials, but suddenly now he was wondering if it was going to be an issue.

“Maybe, I don’t know, I’m sorry Aaron, I’m just letting some of my insecurities get the better of me. Let’s just forget about this for now? Please?” Spencer looked at him with worry in his eyes.

“For now, but we will need to talk about it because I don’t ever want you to feel insecure about anything between us, okay?” He reached over and placed a kiss Reid’s lips.

Spencer smiled, “Okay.”  
___________________________________________________________________________________________  
Four hours later the team was landing and making their way into the office. Aaron immediately went to his desk and saw the papers that Garcia had left for him. It was a case file, some minor morals charges, it seemed. When he looked at the photos he saw a skinny teenaged Megan Kane and it all came back to him now. 

He had visited her in jail and she tried to make a move on him. He smiled sadly at the picture of the pretty teen and how he had gently declined the offer. She had gone to jail, but it was for a short time and he wondered if she even served it. He looked the file over and saw that she did spend 30 days, but was then released. It was a bullshit charge anyway, but he was a young eager prosecutor trying to make his mark. He wondered what happened to have twisted that wide-eyed not quite innocent teenager into the killer who’s hand he held as she sat there dying. Aaron lifted his hand to his face and found that he was crying. It wasn’t often that an unsub garnered any kind of sympathy, but Megan had somehow wormed her way in. He didn’t think that he’d ever forget her and knew he did the right thing by releasing the information from the sim chip and he knew that he’d never let her disappear, at least not to him anyway. 

Several days later he had Garcia find out where she was buried. Her father had her cremated and her ashes were interred at Grove Hill Funeral Home and Memorial Park. He called a local flower shop and put in a standing order that every other month a small bouquet of amaryllis flowers be delivered. The flower means worth beyond beauty. Megan was worth more than what she had let herself become and Aaron was determined that nobody forgot that, even if all he could do was send some flowers to her resting place.


End file.
